There is no one like you!

One of the most crippling things you can do to yourself is to constantly compare yourself to other people. I will say that it is NOT easy to NOT fall victim to it but you must try (yes I used a double negative).

Here’s why…

Comparing yourself to others can have several outcomes, but I want to talk about two of them specifically, 1) either you feel superior to the other person or 2) it adversely affects your self-esteem and self-worth and you feel less than the other person. It is rarely neutral. In this post I will deal with the latter, it’s what I know best. (Staying in my own lane here.)

I want you to know this…No one is better than you! Let me say it again, NO ONE IS BETTER THAN YOU!

We all bring unique gifts to the game. I don’t care how pretty she/he is, how smart, successful or what type of car she drives, how cute her husband or boyfriend is, what her life looks like to the outside world. Those things do not make someone better than you!!! She may have more money, yes, but it does not make her more valuable than YOU in God’s eyes. Our culture has a way to putting people who have more money, status, power, fame or looks on a pedestal. They place a higher value on someone else based on material wealth and riches.  It is such a sad commentary on the value we place on the SOUL. In our society certain individuals are the object  of immense admiration, whether or not they deserve it. We place more emphasis on a person’s extrinsic value than on what’s on the inside. Oh she is sooo beautiful, so thin, such a good dresser, or he is sooo smart, successful etc.  You’ve heard it right, all of your life? Even from the time we are children we are compared. Oh so and so is so cute and smart. Why can’t you be more like so and so. Maybe you were even compared to another child all the time, or a sibling. Think about how that made you feel? Did it hurt or did you just shrug it off? Did you come to resent that person?

It’s just as crippling in business. At the office your boss praises one colleague but makes no mention of all of your hard work. This happens time and time again. Almost like you are invisible. Or you are working in your business and laboring night and day but a colleague in your same field/industry is writing a book and getting it published, being interviewed on television and getting speaking engagements. You think to yourself. Why can’t that be me? When is my season of success? Your disappointment turns to self-sabotage and your eventually feel like working in your business is a chore or you decide to close your business. Crippled by your own negative perception of yourself. Comparison has robbed you of your joy.

So you know first hand the negative impact of comparison, right? Why continue to do that to yourself?

End it today!!! Make a conscious decision to stay in your own lane and live your own truth. Sounds easy right? Well it isn’t! It requires you to really shift your thinking. I know from experience this is NOT easy. So let’s explore a few things…

1. “God is the divine reminder of our inherent worthiness.” Dr. Brené Brown wrote this and I loved it! In God’s eyes we are all worthy. God is the the authority here, not People Magazine or Good Morning America or Vogue or Fortune Magazine, or even Oprah, but GOD, the divine creator of the universe.

2.  Confront your feelings.  Is there someone you feel that you have always compared yourself to? Is there a colleague that you feel less than? A friend? Sibling? Someone on Facebook from your past so every time you read her/his posts you feel envious or jealous? Acknowledge that you feel this way and it is not the other person but you that is standing in your own way. You can’t lie to yourself. Once you acknowledge it you can begin to move forward and change the behavior.

3. Celebrate your uniqueness. You are not like anyone else. God created you as an original. You’ve heard the saying, When God created you He broke the mold? That’s because there is no one on the planet that can do what you do, the way you do it. Even your business competitors will look different when you view them from this perspective.

4. Make a conscious effort to change your behavior. Something that has come to your consciousness is hard to ignore, isn’t it?  If the object of your comparison is not even aware of your feelings then it would be beneficial to direct different energy at the relationship don’t you think? I am not talking about befriending a mean girl here, but a person who has never been unkind or sought to hurt you in any way who you just find yourself disliking because of jealousy or envy. If you have been shy and standoffish then try saying “hello”. Send “Likes” on their page when they post on Facebook or Retweet things that you genuinely like that they say. Invite them to coffee if they work with you. If they are a sibling have an honest conversation with them. Try to always come from a place of love, even if it is difficult. From experience I know that these types of conversations take a lot of prayer and time. There may be deep seeded pain here. It’s important to always come from a place of authenticity and don’t try to fake it. I know some say “fake it till you make it” but I think people can see through phoniness. I believe in standing still until you can come from a place of authenticity. If it doesn’t come right away, that’s okay, don’t dwell on it. Continue to do the work and eventually it will come.

5. Take social media time-outs. If you are struggling with this issue then it may be good to just to take a social media time-out from time to time. That’s right, no Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, Google+, etc.. Some recent research has shown that people who struggle with issues of self-esteem find it difficult to be on Facebook and Twitter because they see everyone happy and enjoying life and it makes them feel sad or depressed. The power to compare is too great if all you do is read what everyone else is doing. Take some time to focus on your own initiatives and work. Journal. Read. Or just fill your mind with your own dreams. Take some time to listen to what your spirit needs and you will be less inclined to be overwhelmed by what someone else is saying or doing. It also makes it easier for you to be happy for others because you are aware of the wonderful things that are happening in your own life and are able to walk in your own space of gratitude.

I hope this message blessed and inspired you to stop comparing yourself to others. Share your unique gifts with the world, we are waiting. You don’t even know how truly awesome you are or what God will use you to do in the world. Live in your purpose.

Did this post inspire you, touch your heart or cause you to re-examine the way you view some things? Share it with us in the community  or read past newsletters on the blog. Pick up Dr. Judith Orloff’s book Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life for more insight on this topic.