Shut everything out so you can hear the whispers in your own life!
I have body envy…sometimes.
Who doesn’t right?
But I know that some people are going to have fitter, toner, and more beautiful bodies than I ever will. Does this knowledge keep me from getting out of bed every morning?
I’m not a fitness model and my job does not depend on how I look. But does that mean that I don’t want to look my best and be able to be proud of my body in my mid-40s and beyond? No it doesn’t.
When I see women in their late 40’s or 50’s who are super fit and looking amazing I too feel like a sclub (not even sure this is a word). I start to ask myself, ‘What’s wrong with you? You gotta get moving and get in shape girl! Women who are your age, who’ve had kids, and have a busy life, are doing it. Get off your butt and get movin!’
But that’s my comparison story. What’s yours?
We all have a story.
There is something we tell ourselves when we see others doing, creating, actualizing at a level we would like to. While it can be a great motivator for many of us to see what is possible and a sort of inspiration, still for others it can be crippling to their spirit and de-motivating.
So let’s talk about some things you can do when you find yourself spiraling into a not so healthy place as a result of something you have just seen, heard, or experienced, that causes you to doubt your talent, creativity, or unique gifts. Take what you need from the strategies below to create your own success formula!
1. Shut everything out for a while and get still. I find that this is the single most effective way to find your way back to your own true north. We live in a world of noise. All forms of media, social media, the everyday grind, it can all be too much. There is a lot of stimuli competing for your time and attention. You have to take a moment each day to get away from it. You have your own hopes and dreams, things that you want to and need to listen to, focus on. God is speaking to you all the time. He is whispering to you when you are work on your project at home or work. There is a beauty and energy that comes from being able to get still enough to hear Him. Although I know that social media is not the evil, some people think it is. I too know that when I spend too much time consuming what others are doing, saying, actualizing, quoting, etc., it starts to affect me. I have to get off and remember who I am and not to try to fit into anyone else’s life.
2. Focus on your own creativity and unique gifts. That’s why I am so passionate about encouraging others to pursue their passions and articulating their own goals. When you have your own goals and dreams you want to actualize, you will develop a desire to see them come to fruition! You won’t spend too much time focusing on others when you gotta get your own stuff done. You will engage some and then get off and get back to your own life. What is the vision you have for your life? If you are reading this blog then I know that it is big and bold!
You have the creativity, drive, and desire inside of you to make it happen! Sometimes the goal may appear overwhelming at first, but if you break it down into tiny goals you will see how manageable they become. There are gifts that you have that I will never have. I love that! What pressure it should take off of you to know that you can just focus on what you are good at and not worry about all the stuff that you aren’t. Join a meetup group or a Mastermind group and find an outlet for your own creativity. Do what you love!
3. Let go of perfectionism. This is part of the comparison story too right? We all want to be seen as the best in whatever we do. I don’t know about you, but I do. I want to be exceptional at whatever I do. I want to actualize at the highest level possible. Some days I reread my blog post and I think, ‘Girl you have nailed it!’ Then there are other days I am struggling to write one insightful sentence. Those are the hardest weeks. Why? Because I made a commitment to myself, and to all of you, that no matter what, I will write a post every Saturday! I take that commitment very seriously and no matter what I have planned, I gotta get it done. Sometimes in my checking and rechecking I find errors. After fixing seven, i’ll turn around and find three more. It makes me want to holler, to quote my man Marvin Gaye. I think about delaying my post to get more time to do a thorough spell check as the hours tick away. In the end, I send out the post anyway because breaking my word is a huge motivator. I would rather you read a typo than not fulfill the promise I made. I just let go and trust that the message is powerful enough that you will overlook the typo.
4. Get a power buddy. This can be a friend, family member, co-worker, partner or coach, but it must be someone who truly knows you and someone you trust to tell you the truth. This person will help you to see your worth and strength when you have doubts or need to be reminded. We never see ourselves the way we truly are. We don’t know the impact we have on others because we are just being ourselves. You have lived your entire life as YOU and let me just say, you is good! You have your own sense of style, wit, creativity, and talent. Your peeps “get you” and think you are awesome. Your power buddy will help you to remember this and they will remind you to… Do You!
5. Continue your gratitude practice. I love gratitude and I know I mention it often, but that’s because it truly works. It is hard for me to compare when I think about all of the abundance and blessings in my own life. My cup runneth over! It is also a constant reminder that my journey, is just that, mine. Be grateful for it and focus on what you have to be thankful for, not being mired in what others have. It also helps you to be able to be happy for others when you can stand in the abundance of your own life. I have a wonderful friend who is doing amazing things and I can truly say that she inspires and amazes me. I can be genuinely happy for her because I am grateful for this life and all that I have. We are the best of friends because we inspire each other to higher levels of actualizing all that we are. We push each other to be all that God wants us to be and do.
6. Master your craft. If there is something you want to do, learn all you can. Consume as much as you can so you can speak with confidence about it. To become a master of any craft, takes time. Sometimes you see people on Instagram or Facebook and they “look” so successful and have lots of followers and you wonder how they did it. They may have been an early adopter and capitalized on a hot idea and blew up or they may be like the true majority of success stories, they worked hard. You see the end result now, but what you may not see is the journey they have walked to get where they are. True and lasting success comes after much preparation. In my opinion, there are no shortcuts. Become a master of what you wish to do and put in the hard work necessary to get you to where you want to go.
7. Set realistic expectations. This one is jolting because its really about telling yourself the truth. Can I have JLO’s body? Probably not. I don’t have her life either. I work 40+ hours a week and am a soccer mom. She is mega superstar with nannies and a stylist. While I love JLO’s style. I am 5’8″ and she is 5′-something I am West Indian and she is Puerto Rican. We couldn’t be more different. My point is, what you sometimes chose to fixate on in your comparison is totally unrealistic. If we are looking at apples to apples, and we never are because no two people are the same, then that would be more understandable. Change the conversation in your mind and ask yourself if you have the full picture before you compare. You may be looking at them through a hazy lens. Blink and look away, I bet you, when you look back again you will see that what you saw the first time was an illusion. The real person worked hard just like you to get where they are. The surprising thing is that your journeys were more similar than you think.
I want to finish this post by saying that although I may have body envy…sometimes, there are days when you can’t tell me anything! When I just had a great workout and I’m feeling happy and powerful. When I love my body and everything that it has allowed me to do. When my gratitude muscle is so strong that nothing and no one can invade what has been poured into my spirit by God. This is when Franka is in tune with her highest and best self. I know we all have the power to tap into that place for ourselves.
This is your life! You have to live it the way that works best for you. Focus on all that has been given to you and use it to create and inspire others. You cannot see yourself the way I see you. You are awesome! Now go and create something because I am waiting for what only you can share with the world!
Until next time,
If you are interested in coaching and need some support to get to that next level in your business, head on over to frankabaly.com and learn about my programs and services for women business owners.
As always, I encourage you to leave a comment on the blog. I would absolutely love to hear from you!