I was mothered by an awesome woman!   But I am acutely aware that that is not the case for all of us.  I spent some time thinking about this topic all week as Mother’s Day was approaching.  I was inspired by an episode of Iyanla Fix My Life that I watched last week about the wounds of three women. Two grown daughters and their mother. Although the two sisters were grown adults, they were deeply wounded from what happened to them as children related to the poor choices their mother made. The mother also was a wounded soul and endured her own pain which caused her to be ill equipped to mother her two girls. I found myself weeping for the pain they all endured. It was a real example of the importance truly mothering your children. Here is what I mean by mothering –  the nurturing and care of children by their mother. On this journey to self-empowerment and self-love, I have shared that my mother was my greatest teacher and the woman I most admire. But I also have five amazing sisters who I am also crazy about and who have also inspired and taught me how to be a better mother to my two boys. I have been fortunate to reflect on the many lessons I have learned from these women. I thought in honor of this special day, dedicated to all mothers, that I would share seven of them with you. 

1.  To be an impeccable example of what I want my children to see. Children watch everything their mother’s do and learn about the world first through their eyes. If I want them to be honest, I must be honest. If I want them to be kind, I must show kindness. If I want them to have joy, I must exude it.  If I want them to love exercise and have healthy eating habits, I have to expose them to exercise and healthy foods. They learn from what I do in my own life. If you want them to value hard work, be a hard worker. You get the picture right? So strive for being more than just okay, be impeccable in your life. Don’t do as you say and not as you do. They are learning about how to live in this world from watching what you do. Be the example.

2.  That I need to be a person of my word.  Whenever my mother promised she would do something, she did it.  This is a very important concept to apply to your life. This is especially important to children. They remember when you don’t keep your word and if you do it often enough, they lose faith in it. The lose their ability to trust you. Trust is an important concept in relationships. Once you lose trust with your children, it is difficult to regain. My mother showed me this concept whenever she kept her word to someone. It was evident in her relationship with family, friends, creditors, everyone. Keep your word and people will be taught that they can trust it.

3  That I am a flawed human being and I will make mistakes, but to learn from them and laugh at yourself when you mess up. My mother wasn’t perfect, she made many mistakes. But in her flawed humanity I learned that it was okay to mess up. She learned and then she did better the next time. She also taught us to laugh at ourselves when we messed up. We have many classic jokes our mother taught us that we can recite to this day that remind us that she knew how to laugh at herself. I have made a ton of mistakes in my life but I learn from each one. As I continue to evolve I now use my intuition more to guide me and along the way I am learning to laugh at myself and not take everything so seriously. Remember the Bill Cosby Show? I love how he used humor in his parenting. Laugh with your kids!

4. Show up for the moments that matter in your child’s life. There wasn’t a time that I had an event at school or anywhere else for that matter, that my mother was not in the crowd, supporting me. She was always there. I knew I could look out and find her sweet face. And I was busy kid. It taught me that I need to be present in my kids life. Not just a provider, but  to be “fully present” for them at the big moments in their life. Your kids will remember, just as I have.

5.  That I can do nothing without prayer and leaning on a power higher than myself.   My mother was a praying woman. She had nine of us. I would pray too.  But I saw her demonstrate her faith daily. She taught me the power of prayer and I saw its manifestation in our life. I was a witness to millions of small miracles as a result of my mother’s prayers. I didn’t realize this until I had embarked on my own spiritual journey. Today I know that prayer is how I speak to God daily. I see it’s manifestation in my own life. It has gotten me through so many difficult moments as a mother and continues to guide me daily.

6.  Unconditional love is the cornerstone of being a good mother. I had so much love growing up. I come from this source and it has so defined who I am as a person. I have an enormous capacity for giving love. I dip from a deep well. I am still dipping from that well to give to my boys. Love is unconditional and doesn’t judge or keep a record of wrongs, nothing that my boys can ever do will change this love because it never fades. Never.

7. Be demonstrative in your love.  She wasn’t a big kisser or hugger but she showed me her love in a million other ways. I have shown some of the examples above. Her love was in the amazing meals she cooked, how clean she kept our home, how she cared for me when I was ill, how white my shirts were after she laundered them, the care she took in ironing the pleats in my skirts, the way she handled the comb as she braided my hair, how firmly she held my hand as I crossed the street, how concerned she was for my safety and how earnestly she prayed for me when we were on our knees. I can still feel my mother’s love and she has been gone for 20 years.

Being a mother is the greatest gift. I am truly honored to be in such amazing company. This weekend I honor all mothers, those here on earth and the ones who have transitioned away from this earthly plane. Honor a mother today, it will make her day!

Love,

Franka

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