I heard this quote recently and I truly believe it speaks to the heart of what it means to be a true friend.

“No one is your friend who demands your silence or denies your right to grow, no one.” — Alice Walker

In other words, a friend will encourage you to go and be who you were meant to be. They won’t hold you back from being all that you imagined yourself you could be even if they themselves are not where they want to be.

Don’t you love that?

Since my blog is about self-love I bet you are wondering why I am writing about friendship today. What does friendship have to do with self-love?

Well I am so glad you asked.

First let me start with what it means to be a true friend.

A true friend will never, ever leave you no matter what happens! It’s not important whether she is miles apart from you, as true friendship resides in our hearts forever. Distance doesn’t matter.

A true friend will always believe in you even when you no longer believe in yourself. She always bring out the best in you.

True friends are the people in your village that are your soft place to fall, they know your blemishes, your faults, and what has wiped the smile from your face. There is no such thing as being fake with them because they know all your flaws and love you anyway.

A true friend is like your other self. She will be your best and worst critic and will always tell you the truth, though she knows it will sometimes hurt you. She is always honest and requires no explanation as she always understands, there is an unspoken truth. Sometimes you can just give her a look and she knows what you mean.

And most of all, a true friend is someone who is willing to share her TIME with you. As time is something no one can ever buy nor take back. The moment a person shares her time with you, she had already shared a part of her life with you.

So now that I have put a definition out there. Think about the type of friend that you have been and the friends that you now have in your life. The ones that you call friend.

Being the kind of friend that I just describes requires some important things that are directly connected with how you feel about yourself.  It will be difficult for you to cultivate deep friendships with others if you don’t have a loving relationship with yourself. As you feed and love yourself, you can feed and love others. If you are always running on empty or coming from a place of lack then you will constantly need filling up and this can be draining and depleting to others. You have be able to give as much as you receive to nurture deep and fulfilling friendships with others. And this goes without saying but I’ll say it anyway, jealousy, unforgiveness, and deception should never exist between true friends. These are emotions that trigger behaviors that will destroy a friendship and comes from a person with a broken spirit. You will be on the losing end of that friendship because this type of friend will always come from a place of take, not give. Your true friends are never jealous of you. They forgive you easily and don’t hold grudges. And…they won’t lie to you to make themselves, or you, feel better.

I want you to think about the following questions:

Are you a friend to yourself? Think about what this really means.

• Are you kind to yourself? This means no negative self-talk. No beating yourself up.
• Are you forgiving to yourself? If you don’t know how to forgive yourself for the mistakes you make in your own life, how will you be able to forgive others?
• Are you unconditionally friendly toward yourself? Do nice things for yourself that make you feel great from the inside out.

How much have you made your own voice go to sleep for the sake of a friendship? If you can’t truly be who you want to be because your friend can’t handle it, then you are not being vulnerable or authentic. 

Do you acknowledge and are grateful for the things you have in your life? Being in a state of gratitude allows you to acknowledge the beauty of your own life, so you can truly share in the beauty in the lives of others. If I am so grateful for what I have and what God has given me, I can be truly happy for you, my friend. 

I read in an Essence Magazine post recently that there are 6 types of friends every woman should hold on to. For some women, it is 6 different women, and for others, she is one, amazing friend who encompasses all of these archetypes. Here is the list I borrowed from Essence Magazine – read about each one.

• The kindred soul
• The motivator
• The confidant
• The teammate
• The fighter
• The rock

So you see, to first be a friend, you must come from the perspective of love of self. Because you can only give away, that which you have. I hope that you now see the importance of being loving and kind to yourself. The cultivation of self-love has a far reaching impact on all of our relationships. Let the healing begin today.